Where does your motivation come from?

I have spoken to several friends lately that tell me they wish they had my motivation and I started thinking about what motivates each of us.  I get motivation from several places.  First of all the people in my life motivate me to be a better person, they give me strength.  My kids motivate me to make healthier choices every day, because without them my life wouldn't have meaning.  So what motivates you?  What is the one thing that would give you the strength to start a healthier lifestyle today?  What if the person you loved most asked you to start taking better care of yourself would that be the thing that got you to the gym that day?  What if your doctor gave you bad news about a health condition would that be the thing that got you to take better care of yourself?   Would it be your spouse or your children or your friends supporting you?

Inspiration often comes from different places and it can affect different parts of your life.  My friends that are travelling their own weight loss journeys inspire me every day.  Knowing that I made a promise to my kids really inspires me because failure is not an option.  I get support every day and without it I would not have gotten this far.  My daughter high fives me daily and tells me that she is proud that I am doing what I'm doing.  My friends tell me and show me how proud they are of me.  I am lucky enough to have some really close friends that I truly love with all my heart and they keep me going.  There are people in my circle that are not supportive of this journey.  I am not sure why.  I think some of it is the insecurities of their own, Perhaps not being able to make that decision for me,  I don't really know.  In the beginning it was really heartbreaking for me but as time has gone by and I have worked so hard to get to the place I am in my personal renovation project,  I had to turn away from those that were unable to support me in this journey.  I realized that I cannot change those feelings for either of us but I can change how I react to it.  I have also realized just how fragile my heart is.  I have realized that I have allowed others feelings to cause me great pain, it still causes me pain.  However, it also gives me courage and strength to finally put myself first.

If someone that loved you was there to push you gently to make some difficult changes would that be enough to move you?  Making the decision is the hardest part, once you are there just close your eyes and take a step.  Do not think about it, do not talk yourself out of it, simply FEEL IT and DO IT...by the same token if someone that loved you were against your decisions and not understanding of the reasons why you need to do what you need to do, would you let that affect the rest of your life?  Would you put aside what you need?

I want to support and inspire those that I love!  I want you to take that first step, no thinking no excuses.  Let me inspire you.  Then inspire someone else, we are all connected,  I am thankful for so much in my life!  I am scared to death of making the wrong choice and moving backword instead of forward but I know that I am learning each day, I am loving my people each day, and I am moving.  I will never stop moving.  This is not just about the amount of weight I lose, it's about being better in all ways...  It's about finding myself and loving the person I find.  It is truly a lifelong change.  These things are what motivates me.   Let me ask you again, what motivates you?

Almost to the finish line

I weighed in yesterday and realized that I am only about 25 pounds away from my original goal!  I have lost 118 pounds so far!  The realization hit me hard because I still feel fat!  I look in the mirror every day and sometimes I don't really recognize the face staring back at me and other times, I think there is no way I have lost that much cuz I still feel fat.   I struggle with it every day.  I am sure now that I will struggle with this self image every day for the rest of my life.  I realized that it probably won't matter how much weight I lose, I will still have insecurities.  So, I have made a decision.

I know that I am a good person, I know that I have a good heart and it is just as much what is on the inside of me as it is what is on the outside of me.  I went through all my old pictures and chose one that really shows just how big I used to be.  This picture was taken the day that we adopted our son.  It was taken in court and it is really painful to look at.  That moment was a moment of celebration during a time in my life when everything was falling apart!  It was a beautiful moment that we worked toward for 3 years as foster parents with Hayden, hoping and praying that GOD would not take him from us.  It was very stressful and it was the time that I was the heaviest I have ever been, you can see it!

I am making myself look in the mirror now and focus on happiness and celebrations!  I am celebrating every moment no matter how big or how small, I am saying Ta-da!  I have lost 118 pounds!  Ta-da! I quit smoking! Ta-da!  I smiled today!  I am stronger and healthier and most of all HAPPIER than I have ever been in my entire adult life and I am going to celebrate it from the beginning to the end!  I am the same size today as Marilyn Monroe.  She was one of the most beautiful women in the world, I have always loved my curves and never really wanted to lose them completely, I forgot about that until now.  I am celebrating my curves, I am celebrating my happiness and my strength!  Celebrate yours!  Ta-da!

Coming Home

I have been out of town in training all week.  Getting home today is like letting out my breath.  It has been a week full of so much that my brain is still spinning.  I hate being away from home for that long.  I am unable to relax.  I miss my kids and worry consantly that things at home will not function without me (commonly referred to as control issues).   I am out of my element and experience a certain degree of sress when I am away from home and although I was in the company of some really great women it was a long week.

I started my shots again last saturday and although I have not been able to weigh in, I am feeling that I have lost around 10-15 pounds so far or maybe thats just wishful thinking.  I have been using the gym in my hotel every morning and a couple of evenings.  I stayed pretty well within my food plan.  I did try to drink as much water as I could.  I typically do not sleep well in hotels.  and it is hard to stick to a weight loss plan when you are travelling. 

My relationships have also suffered some this week.  Aside from being away from all of those that I love, I was finding that communications between me and those people in my life kind of fell apart the last 2 days.  My children were staying with grandma because JD was working a lot and I was not able to get a hold of them to say goodnight the last two nights.   It was Valentine's Day and being unable to spend that time where I wanted to be instead of alone and away from home was hard.  I have felt very lonely and really missing my people.  I was able to have a great conversation with my best friend and that seemed to help as well as running into a lifelong friend at my hotel and being a witness to her boyfriend surprising her with a proposal.  It was such a great moment.  I am so happy for her. 

I feel that I may have upset a couple of friends that are very close to me .  All I can say is I'm sorry, I did not intend to upset them and I should have perhaps engaged my brain before writing.  It does happen on occasion (more than often in my case as I do not have a filter most days)  but know that I love ya and I will be back to normal now that my routine has returned. 

I think my children are also feeling it, I came home to major behavioral problems with Adrianna and Hayden isolating with his video game.  I took them for ice cream and then they seemed to fall apart too.  Hopefully we can all get a good night's sleep and tomorrow is another day.   I need to get back to my regular schedule.  I am going to spinning class and yoga tomorrow and then I will be back on track.  I am going to spend time with my kiddos.

I am going to weigh when I go to the gym tomorrow and will have a better idea of whether I was successful with plan this week or not.  Not much to celebrate but I am staying positive.  In my training I was reminded of the Ta-Da cape.  Wearing a Ta-Da cape every day and celebrating every tiny achievement helps you focus and stay on the path to being joyful in spite of the stress.  It's good to be home!

  

Welcome back

I haven't posted for a while.  The last week or so, I have been so very sick.  Today is the first day that I have really felt like myself again.  I am happy to be back to me.  Trying to stay on track as much as possible when sick.  I have not been able to work out as much as I usually do and I can definitely feel the difference.  The flu is a miserable thing.  It has been difficult to stay on my food plan as well due to the fact that I simply have been hungry at all and not really been eating much.

I went to the gym this morning and expected that I would be a little bit weak and struggle getting back into the routine again. I was wrong.  I did 35 minutes on the eliptical followed by 15 minutes on the bike and then a solid set of strength training for my arms chest and shoulders.  I felt so good when I left that I put my favorite song on my Ipod rolled the windows down and sang and smiled all the way home.  I feel really good today.  I did go back after work for a while and just ran 3 miles. 

My weigh in for the biggest loser this week did not go well as expected I gained one pound but I feel okay about it since I was relly under the weather.  The first day or so I still went to work out, I had a lighter day that day just yoga and 30 minutes of cardio but ended up feeling worse than before.  It kind of put things in perspective....Rest is as important as the work I do every day!  I will start my hcg shots again on saturday morning and I can't wait to get going again.  i will  post pictures after my first round.