First day of school

I am on vacation this week to get my kids settled into the school routine.  Today was the first day for them.  I love this time of year because I remember how excited I used to get for the first day of school and my mom always made a big deal out of it.  I try to do the same.  I got up at 4 (my usual time) and went to the gym, I have been good about that this week.  I came home and made a wonderful breakfast for the kids.  We spent a few extra minutes doing Adrianna's hair and picking which outfit she should wear and of course I had to take pictures.  Once they were off I went and spent some time with my BFF.  It was a good day!  She has been my best friend for my entire life and I am able to share things with her that I would not share with any other soul on the planet.  Sometimes, like today she is my life line and I love her dearly. Having such amazingly strong, beautiful, women in my life has definitely influenced the person that I am.  I am very blessed to have such special relationships. 

I have been on track this week and have been to the gym every day.  I am working really hard to stay on plan with my diet too.  I have however made a few bad choices with my food plan.  Tomorrow I am going to have to work pretty hard to make up for that venti Iced Mocha I indulged in today lol.  I am down an additional 5 pounds so I have lost a total of 13 out of the 20 that I had gained.  Not the results I want but acceptable.

I have been feeling particularly lonely the last several days so it was great to spend time with my girl. Tomorrow is another day and another opportunity for great things to happen...

What? Me, in a swimsuit?

I love my Saturdays!  With only a week and a half left until the kids go back to school I want to get  a lot of activities in...Today I weighed in and thankfully I am down 8 pounds this week.  I am determined not to keep that 20 that I have gained back plus I want to lose 25 more and then I will be at my goal.  This journey has not been an easy one and it has taken a lot longer than I imagined but I feel so good!! It has become so much more about getting fit and strong and so much less about how I look, although that is a big bonus!

I took the kids swimming today and I have to say that this was the first day in my entire life that I wore a swimsuit and did not cover it up with a HUGE T-shirt and shorts.  You know what?  I was not at all self conscious and had a really good time just being with my kids and not worrying if anyone was staring at the fat chick in a swimsuit (that would be me).  What a great thing to not allow myself to be bogged down by my own insecurities!  I even heard my daughter's friend say "your mom is so cool and she's really pretty."  To which my daughter replied "yeah she is really pretty, I'm so proud of her."  It instantly brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my heart! She is having friends sleep over and my little man has decided to spend the night with his cousins.  He is worried the girls will try to put makeup on him LOL.  The girls are having a scary movie marathon and JD is helping out some friends so I am on my own for the evening.

I am kind of sad that the summer is almost over but I am taking a week off when they start school to get them settled in.  I am hoping to get a couple of home projects done at the same time.  It will be strange to be home during the day, alone, while the kids are in school.  I am hoping to hit the gym really hard that week.  I love having those moments to myself.  My workouts are my time. 

My goal this week is to lose at least 5 pounds, hopefully more like 7 or 8.  I am taking the kids school shopping next weekend and since Adrianna will be running cross country this year she asked if we could go run together a couple of nights after work.  I am really looking forward to that.  All the one on one time I get with them makes me happy.  I am , working hard and I will reach my goals!  My family is staying active, and my kids are actually excited about going back to school.  Time for some mommy moments and a pedicure! 

Be true to yourself

I haven't been here for a while.  I have been staying busy, living and enjoying life.  I have re-newed appreciation for my life.  This summer has been wonderfully busy.  I ran my first 5k race!  It was a quiet accomplishment that I have kind of kept just for myself.  Knowing that it was something that I never would have been strong enough to do two years ago.  I have taken some time away from the gym and my strict diet and to be honest I'm really feeling it.  Life is a series of changes, some are wonderful things that keeps you kind of floating and some are real struggles that if you let them can tear you apart.  I have gained back about 20 pounds or so but it is not staying.  My body pain seems to be coming back more often as well.  Today I returned to my regular schedule of exercise and I am back on my diet.  I am ready to get back on track.  I did 8 miles on the bike and 45 minutes of strength training, then 20 minutes on the elliptical.  I am hurting a bit tonight but that will go away in a couple of days, It's a good, tired, kind of pain. 
totally worth it. 

Our family has been spending a lot of time together doing different activities all summer.  We went to Stanley for Melissa's wedding.  What a beautiful place!  It was perfect for that special day!  We had an amazing time.  Melissa was such a beautiful bride.  Because life is such a series of bumps in the road and stressors that bog us down, having moments of love like these remind us to be happy. 

The kids are getting ready to return to school in a couple of weeks and so am I.  It will be an even busier fall so I am cherishing these days now.  I am really happy.  We have struggled with some things lately but we are weathering the storm just as you do.  I am very lucky to have the life I have. 
I am very thankful for every little miracle.  I understand that the most important thing about love is knowing without a doubt in my heart that when I reach out in the dark through good times and bad there will be  another hand to take mine and pull me close.  I know that it is a team effort and we do it together. 

I am working to "lose the extra 20" that I gained back and a few more.  I am still strong, I am still motivated and I have a lot more accomplishments in my future.  Every day is a new beginning, every new beginning is an opportunity to do something epic...

Reactive Attachment

Life  is challenging these days.  Raising a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder is a constant roller coaster of love, guilt, inadequacy, and frustration.  There are so many moments that I have questioned my abilities as a mother.  So many moments when I have questioned whether or not I have the Hutzpah to give my daughter everything she needs while maintaining my sanity and the rest of my family relationships, and the rest of my life.

 RAD is a disorder that makes it very difficult for my daughter to feel emotions the way the rest of the world does.  She struggles every day with so many things.  Relationships, friendships, even family relationships are hard for her.  She does not have the little voice in the back of her head that the rest of us have, the voice that helps us make decisions.  She struggles a lot with her identity and with her self esteem.

 When I first made the decision to become an adoptive parent, I wanted to be a mom so badly that even though I knew that I may be raising a child that has been abused and has issues associated with that abuse, I didn’t really understand what that meant.  Even when I met her, she was this beautiful 3 year old that seemed happy and vibrant.  Within moments of being introduced to her she crawled into JD’s lap and politely asked him to read her a story.  We were both totally smitten from that very moment.  I had been told that she had been diagnosed with RAD but I didn’t have any idea what it was or what it meant.  I saw this little angel and thought there is no way she can be anything other than “normal” and I couldn’t wait to be her mother!  As she has grown she has both struggled at times and at times seemed to have no issues and we all have become much more knowledgeable about her disorder.  We have seen many symptoms manifest and then fade away only for something else to show up later.  Through it all my love for her has multiplied thousands and thousands of times.

 Sometimes we really battle.  My child has a vibrant personality.  She is very charismatic and people are drawn to her initially and that is part of what makes RAD so difficult is that others only get to see the charming, beautiful girl that she wants them to see and they can’t understand the issues that she has.  I always felt like I was determined to “fix” her.   Well, it’s not that simple and when I realized that I could not “fix” her I started feeling helpless.  I felt like a bad mother, after all mothers are supposed to be able to do everything for their children.  The stress at times is overwhelming for our entire family and when she is on a rampage it affects us all in a very big way.

 My beautiful girl has really been struggling lately and we have had to work on getting her through it.  I know that as she grows she will experience difficulties that she does not understand and cannot control, difficulties beyond the normal growing pains.  She has been my primary focus this last week and we are spending some girl time to recharge and rejuvenate…

 I have not really followed anything this week as my focus has been on my family.  I have been to gym 3 days this week so far, I am looking forward to going tomorrow (my heaviest workout day of the week) and releasing some tension and some stress.  I am also gaining control of my food plan again and tomorrow I am back on track.  I am committing to staying on plan this week no matter how hectic it gets and I am committing to getting to the gym every day.

Staying Motivated

My goal for this week was to lose 5 more pounds and keep my body moving as well as keeping my family moving.  I have lost 4 pounds this week so I am a little shy of my goal but it just makes me want to work harder this next week.  I am determined to lose 20 more pounds within the next 30 days.  I have been staying on plan pretty well and exercising every day.  It seems that the closer I get to my final goal the harder it is to actually lose the pounds. 

 We are now on a roll with our regular summer family bike rides.  Yesterday we decided to pack a picnic basket and take it the park.  We went for a two hour bike ride which ended up back at the park for our little picnic.  It is wonderful family time with the kiddos and I am chalking up those mommy memory moments that I love so much.  It also gives all of us the opportunity to get out in the sunshine and get some exercise.

 It has definitely been a busy week.  This was the first week of summer vacation for my kiddos. Coming up with activities for them to do every day while they are home has taken some creative thinking.  I have planned an activity for them to do each day of the week to keep them entertained without sitting in front of the television or the video games all day long.  I am still looking for other suggestions as we need to fill their days for the rest of the summer and it needs to be something that they can do mostly on their own (unsupervised).  Adrianna has been very responsible and proving that she can be home during the day like other 12 year olds and not confined to Day Care.  I am intensely proud of her. 

 JD and I had to drive down to my mom’s place to deliver a table.  I have found that taking every opportunity to spend some quality time together strengthens our relationship and we truly enjoy each other.  We decided to take the scenic route since my parents live about an hour away out in the country.  It was a beautiful day, it was beautiful drive!  We took a detour and drove up in the mountains on the way home so that we could talk and laugh and just enjoy having some of those kid free moments together.  It turned out to be one of the most romantic days we have had in a very long time. Every relationship needs to be nurtured every day, even if it is just stealing a few hours with your partner away from stress and the every day routine of life.  It reminded me of the way it used to be when we first met and couldn’t keep our hands off each other. 

 I found a couple of really great finds at an estate sale for the basement.  It is coming along slowly but I am getting very excited by the transformation.  The paint will be going on the walls next week once the wall that we had to rebuild is complete.  Then it will be just a matter of putting everything back together.  I am working on my frame project this week as well as figuring out some different lighting options down there.  I have also broken out the sewing machine and Adrianna and I will be making pillows for the couch down there.  Everyone has a part in this little mini-renovation and a chance to put their own stamp on this part of our home.

 This week my schedule is not quite as full.  My goal is lose 5 pounds and stay active.  I am adding an abs class to my regular workout schedule.  I notice that my body gets used to routine and it becomes a little less effective over time.  In order to continue losing pounds and inches each week I need to change things up a bit.  It also helps to keep me from getting bored with my workouts which effectively keeps me motivated every day.  Stay motivated, Stay active, Stay strong…

 

 

As I sit here and listen to the comfortable rumble that is my family and my home I feel so blessed.  It is the close of another week.  Lots going on this week.  I worked out every day this week.  Saturday I had a 4 hour workout that kicked my behind lol.  I walked early for an hour with "the Ladies".  Women that I work with.  I love these women and I love spending those moments outside of work with them.  After walking I went to the gym and a friend\trainer ran me through a really tough weight training session for my abs and chest.  Whoa, by then I thought I wanted to puke so I went to Yoga for an hour and fifteen minutes.  I left thinking I may not be able to move tomorrow.  Boy, was I right except that I didn't make it to tomorrow, within a couple of hours I was eating ibuprofen and looking for some relief.  I have to remind myself sometimes that I can't do it all.

 I have a personality that allows me to go, go, go, like the energizer bunny but sometimes I go too hard and my body lets me know.   This was one of those times.  After working out hard all week, I went over the edge on Saturday and it ended up doing much more bad than good.  I took Sunday off to rest my sore body.  today I walked 2 miles and ran 2miles then I came home and worked out for 45 minutes on the total gym.  I took it easier today hoping to be in full force by tomorrow.  I am getting ready for a wedding in July and have set a new short term goal for myself.  I want to lose another 20 pounds between now and then.  I have chosen my dress and really want to get a size smaller than I am now.  It's really pretty, I can't wait to get my new body into it!

Last week I was in training all week and travelling so I got home later and when my schedule is off, everyone's schedules are off.  I think I did okay with my food plan.  It is hard to stay on plan when you have to eat on the run.  I think I made the best choices I could make under the circumstances.  My family on the other hand did not fair as well, it was a week of chicken nuggets and hot dogs I'm afraid.  This weekend has been good however.  We needed some healthier home cooking.  All weekend has been about whole foods, and fresh foods.  We grilled some beautiful baby back ribs today with roasted vegetables, a green salad, and fresh fruit.

We have been active and moving and now it is time for some rest and a cozy movie in mom's bed lol.  Tomorrow is the first day of summer vacation for the kids and back to work for us.  I am re doing the floor in the basement next weekend.  I have decided to keep the tile and paint it.  I researched it and it shouldn't too difficult.  I have been rounding up items to put down there and I can't wait for the finished product.  Another busy week here I come.  School will be starting for me soon so I have to get as much done before that as I can.  My goals for the week are to lose 5 pounds, stay on plan and stay busy.  I will make sure I get my workouts in.  I will get enough rest (that's a hard one).  It has been a great weekend, Happy Memorial Day!  Do something to inspire someone.  Even if it's a little thing, sometimes the little things inspire Epic results! 

Comfort

Today was the last day of a week long training.  I am totally feeling it.  Although it was a great training it was a long week of traveling back and forth and sitting in a classroom all day.  It makes me tired.  One of the things we talked about was comfort and it got me thinking about the things that give me comfort and of course the first thing I think of is comfort foods.  I am from a big Italian family.  We use food for everything and that made it easy to fall in love with food and of course with making food.  I love all the comfort foods, who doesn't, that's why they are called comfort foods right?  I have always loved pasta and breads and tons of carbs.  I don't eat many carbs these days but occasionally I like to have a free day.  I am careful to make sure that it is within a week in which I have worked out a little harder and stayed on plan.  I have worked hard this week.  I have not missed a day at the gym and I am down 6 pounds.

I also thought about emotional comfort and it goes so well with comfort food because we eat from an emotional hunger more often than a physical one.  We eat when we are happy, sad, celebrating, grieving, whatever.  Food plays a lot of roles in our lives not just for nutrition.   I still get the emotional satisfaction, just in a healthier way.  JD and I made dinner together tonight.  I like cooking together.  It gives us time to talk about our day and our lives and our kids.  They make appearances in the kitchen as well, mostly to pick at whatever we are making.  Comfort foods and comfort from just being home.  Just ending my long week with my peeps.