Bring me brownies and I'll follow you anywhere

My weigh in yesterday was a success.  I am down 7.8 and won the biggest loser for the second week in a row, yay!  Today I behaved myself and went to the gym before and after work.  I needed to clear my head of some seriously negative energy.  I walked out feeling refreshed and smiling again. 

My daily workouts save me, truly!  I did not make a great food choice for lunch but I have to say I make a mean chicken enchilada!  Just need to revise my old recipe to make it healthier.  I love, love, love, to cook.  I cook all the time, this has always been one of the things that led to my being fat.  Would you trust a skinny cook?  I used to tell people "I'm a really good cook, can't you tell by looking at my ass?"  These days I can't really say that anymore lol. 

I am teaching my daughter to cook, it is fun time with her.  I love those moments!!  We used to bake cookies regulary but now we make things like trek bars and we are working on a recipe for homemade granola bars that are lower in sugar and fat (hopefully) but will still taste amazing.  It's all about the senses for me.  It's important that food tastes great, smells yummy, and looks irrisistably good.  I need help coming up with recipes of old favorite comfort foods or snack foods that I can change to be healthier. 

I am working on putting together a bunch of recipes that have been modified to be better.  My all time favorite weakness is brownies.  I love chocolate, It is sweet, rich, melt in your mouth good and what other food is as sensual as chocolate.  Nothing my friend! I have yet to find a really mouth watering brownie recipe that is healthy.  If you know of any please post and I will follow you anywhere.

Taking a moment to check in.... to realize that even though bad days happen it's very important to find blissful moments.  Today I have had several blissful moments that changed my attitude.  Some really great conversations with a couple of friends that I love with all my heart.  Laughing with my co-workers and when I came home I was greeted with a  very loud and warm "We missed you today mommy" and lots of hugs from my children.  AAAHHH, What a great life I have.  I am spending the rest of evening snuggling with my kiddos and listening to the great things they have to tell me.  Good night all,,,

You never know what the future holds

A very special friend today told me that you never know what the future holds. It got me thinking about the future and the present and of course the past. I believe that we, the human race control our futures for the most part. It is about what you want out of life and what you are willing to put out into the Universe to get it. Over the last year and a half I have made many changes in my life. Some of those changes sprang from adversity and a dark time and some were inspired by the people that I love. Change can be difficult because it is uncertain. It is easy to get comfortable and therefore complacent within our daily lives, to accept that which makes us unhappy for the fear that if it changes it could be worse. Or perhaps that we will fail or disappoint someone we love.

I believe that GOD will clear the path to our dreams even when it seems impossible. If someone had told me 10 years ago that I would be where I am today or especially that I would have my children. I would have fallen off my chair laughing, thinking there is no way I could get there. I was surviving my life every day just trying to get through each moment and planning for the day in my future that everything would finally go my way. That day never came, it was always elusive, a fantasy. I don’t believe that any more. I have taken charge of my future and my present. I LIVE each moment. I say things that are inappropriate at times. I do things that make my children cringe at times, but that is all part of me. It is how I see the world. The past, present, and future are all connected. Sometimes the past springs into the present and gives you a second chance. It is what you do with that second chance that matters.

I love the changes that I have made and will continue to make as I grow. We should never stop growing, or living. I am no longer willing to simply accept anything that makes me unhappy. I am very excited about the future, I have learned from the past and I attempt daily to live in the moment and enjoy the things and the people that are part of my Universe. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I say what I feel at the very moment that I feel it. I don’t want to leave anything unsaid that should have been said. I want the people that I love to know every moment that I love them and I want my children to know that they CAN make their dreams come true. I also want them to know that they CAN make a difference in the lives of others. 

I am gearing up for the biggest loser weigh in tomorrow and feeling very good about my choices this week, I won last week, I have been eating clean all week and have gone to the gym every day, pushing through the pain of a fibro flair up and staying on track. wish me luck!

Relationships

Saturdays are my most intense workout day of the entire week.  This week I just wasn't feeling it but I went anyway because I have a lot going on right now and need this.  I have always said that my heavy exercise regimen is my favorite anti-depressant and that has never been more true than today.

It has been a week of changes at work, at first I was very unhappy but chose to look at my work situation with a positive attitude and I realized that I have been wanting this all along I just didn't realize it.  I am switching departments and will be working with some amazing ladies again.  I am very excited about being able to do the kind of work that I enjoy the most....helping people...It took a couple days to get here but I think it is going to be a great change. 

It has been a week of challenges, challenges with my relationships....We have had an extended house guest that is putting everyone on edge a little as it is not the most ideal situation, stress....so much stress...I think we are all feeling it.  My children need a reset button as well.  Adrianna got in trouble in school and they have been fighting constantly.  And my relationship with Jd, well it's being challenged more than usual...

I decided this morning when getting ready to go workout that after, I would spend some quality time with my kiddos.  I miss them during the day.  I took them back to the gym with me to play raquetball, we had a great time, within a few minutes we were all 3 smiling and feeling a little more relaxed.  It wasn't at all about the game it was just about being together and getting our bodies moving.

My relationships are very important to me, all of them.  Sometimes you just have to take a few minutes to connect with the people in your universe whether it is your romantic relationships or your children, friends, or co-workers.  It is not always easy to spend time with those you love but doing so can keep you connected, it makes you strong and it makes you generally happier.

My favorite time at the end of day is snuggling with my monsters in my king size bed watching a movie and just listening to them...you can learn a lot from an 11 year old and 7 year old.  This is balance.  I love the balance and my daughter told me that she thinks I'm "foxy" I laughed so hard at her use of that word that we both almost fell off the bed.  You have to love they way they see the world......Lots of laughter and snuggles.  I can't imagine a better end to a pretty good day....

biggest loser weigh in

This morning was the second weigh in for the biggest loser game in my office.  I did not do so well last week and I was really feeling some aprehension about today.  Why is it that I can get so worked up about the number?  It has been ruling my mind and my life for far too long.  Even now that I have lost so much weight that number still defines me.

I try hard to not let the number make such an impact on my success and my failure but I struggle with it every time.  I did good this week.  I stayed on my food plan.  I worked out every day, most days before and after work.  I drank plenty of water but still I was so worried about the number.  I went to the gym this morning at 5am.  I did 20 minutes on the elliptical and then went downstairs and sat in the sauna for half an hour.  It was great!  I took that 30 minutes out of my workout for one day to re-set.  I love my re-set buttons.  It was there, alone, in the sauna with my music playing in my ear buds that I was able to subdue my evil thoughts about the number and focus on my goals for the rest of the week.  An opportunity to gather my thoughts and pick out my big girl panties. 

It is mid week and I am focused and moving forward.  I still did not eat breakfast or drink my water before my weigh in but did take it with me so that I could stay on plan.  It is a competition after all so I have to pay some attention to the number I just can't let it take over.  You see I have given it an identity of it's own.  Now, I am chipping away at that and taking it back.  Steve, the wonderful man that is "weight taker" at work tells me every week that it's all relative.  He makes me very comfortable at that most uncomfortable of times.  It is relative, it's the work I have done this week, it's staying on my food plan and celebrating my little successes all week.  the number is fading into the background.  Deep breath, look, down 6.3 pounds.  I'll take that.

Feeling good again

I have been in the gym every day for the last 2 weeks and I am feeling much better.  My body pain is far less again and my energy levels are up.  My Hcg has not come in yet but I expect it to be here within the week.  I have a weigh in tomorrow for the biggest loser game in my office.  I am more confident than last week.  During last weeks weigh in I had gained two pounds over the week before however the scale at my gym and the scale that I have did not reflect any gain.  In retrospect, I think I knew it was a gain week.  I did cheat on my food plan a couple of times and I didn't drink enough water.  This week I focused on those things and I have stayed true to eating clean.  I am feeling stronger and leaner, it is a great thing.  I came across some pictures that kind of show my progress so far. 

This picture of me and my daughter was taken in 2010.  This was at my heaviest weight.  it is difficult to look at for me as it represents a depressing time.  It also represents the beginning....

These were taken about half way to my goal weight.  I still have a long way to go and thats just to get to my goal weight then it's the rest of my life.....

Post Holiday Haze

The last couple of weeks have left me in a post holiday haze.  I decided to let go for the last two weeks of December and felt very confident that I would be able to maintain enough self control to not undo everything I have accomplished within the last year.  Boy was I wrong!

Okay so perhaps I haven't completely unrraveled but close.  I have gained back about 18 pounds.  I stopped going to gym as much and just pretty much ate whatever I felt like.  It amazes me how fast and how easy it was to fall back into old habits!  It is now January 10, 2013 and I am back in the saddle.

I have never been into New Year's resolutions because they simply don't work, if it lasts through the first week of January, it usually doesn't last much longer than that.  I have made major life changes over the past year and this year is simply a continuation of my personal renovation plan.  I joined a biggest loser group at my office so for the next 11 weeks I will be held accountable by those people that I spend every day with.  What was I thinking?!  Oh yes, accountability, and motivation.  I am very competitive and plan to win this contest.  I have decided to go back on the HCG shots for another round, possibly two.  I will start them as soon as they come in (about 2 weeks).  In the meantime I am back on my food plan, eating clean and back at the gym and I have to say that I really missed it!!

I am looking forward to changes this year in all aspects of my journey and my life.  I am closing the door to that which has passed and opening a door to new experiences.  Bring on 2013, got my big girl panties on and I'm ready to kick some butt!!!