Where does your motivation come from?

I have spoken to several friends lately that tell me they wish they had my motivation and I started thinking about what motivates each of us.  I get motivation from several places.  First of all the people in my life motivate me to be a better person, they give me strength.  My kids motivate me to make healthier choices every day, because without them my life wouldn't have meaning.  So what motivates you?  What is the one thing that would give you the strength to start a healthier lifestyle today?  What if the person you loved most asked you to start taking better care of yourself would that be the thing that got you to the gym that day?  What if your doctor gave you bad news about a health condition would that be the thing that got you to take better care of yourself?   Would it be your spouse or your children or your friends supporting you?

Inspiration often comes from different places and it can affect different parts of your life.  My friends that are travelling their own weight loss journeys inspire me every day.  Knowing that I made a promise to my kids really inspires me because failure is not an option.  I get support every day and without it I would not have gotten this far.  My daughter high fives me daily and tells me that she is proud that I am doing what I'm doing.  My friends tell me and show me how proud they are of me.  I am lucky enough to have some really close friends that I truly love with all my heart and they keep me going.  There are people in my circle that are not supportive of this journey.  I am not sure why.  I think some of it is the insecurities of their own, Perhaps not being able to make that decision for me,  I don't really know.  In the beginning it was really heartbreaking for me but as time has gone by and I have worked so hard to get to the place I am in my personal renovation project,  I had to turn away from those that were unable to support me in this journey.  I realized that I cannot change those feelings for either of us but I can change how I react to it.  I have also realized just how fragile my heart is.  I have realized that I have allowed others feelings to cause me great pain, it still causes me pain.  However, it also gives me courage and strength to finally put myself first.

If someone that loved you was there to push you gently to make some difficult changes would that be enough to move you?  Making the decision is the hardest part, once you are there just close your eyes and take a step.  Do not think about it, do not talk yourself out of it, simply FEEL IT and DO IT...by the same token if someone that loved you were against your decisions and not understanding of the reasons why you need to do what you need to do, would you let that affect the rest of your life?  Would you put aside what you need?

I want to support and inspire those that I love!  I want you to take that first step, no thinking no excuses.  Let me inspire you.  Then inspire someone else, we are all connected,  I am thankful for so much in my life!  I am scared to death of making the wrong choice and moving backword instead of forward but I know that I am learning each day, I am loving my people each day, and I am moving.  I will never stop moving.  This is not just about the amount of weight I lose, it's about being better in all ways...  It's about finding myself and loving the person I find.  It is truly a lifelong change.  These things are what motivates me.   Let me ask you again, what motivates you?

Almost to the finish line

I weighed in yesterday and realized that I am only about 25 pounds away from my original goal!  I have lost 118 pounds so far!  The realization hit me hard because I still feel fat!  I look in the mirror every day and sometimes I don't really recognize the face staring back at me and other times, I think there is no way I have lost that much cuz I still feel fat.   I struggle with it every day.  I am sure now that I will struggle with this self image every day for the rest of my life.  I realized that it probably won't matter how much weight I lose, I will still have insecurities.  So, I have made a decision.

I know that I am a good person, I know that I have a good heart and it is just as much what is on the inside of me as it is what is on the outside of me.  I went through all my old pictures and chose one that really shows just how big I used to be.  This picture was taken the day that we adopted our son.  It was taken in court and it is really painful to look at.  That moment was a moment of celebration during a time in my life when everything was falling apart!  It was a beautiful moment that we worked toward for 3 years as foster parents with Hayden, hoping and praying that GOD would not take him from us.  It was very stressful and it was the time that I was the heaviest I have ever been, you can see it!

I am making myself look in the mirror now and focus on happiness and celebrations!  I am celebrating every moment no matter how big or how small, I am saying Ta-da!  I have lost 118 pounds!  Ta-da! I quit smoking! Ta-da!  I smiled today!  I am stronger and healthier and most of all HAPPIER than I have ever been in my entire adult life and I am going to celebrate it from the beginning to the end!  I am the same size today as Marilyn Monroe.  She was one of the most beautiful women in the world, I have always loved my curves and never really wanted to lose them completely, I forgot about that until now.  I am celebrating my curves, I am celebrating my happiness and my strength!  Celebrate yours!  Ta-da!

Coming Home

I have been out of town in training all week.  Getting home today is like letting out my breath.  It has been a week full of so much that my brain is still spinning.  I hate being away from home for that long.  I am unable to relax.  I miss my kids and worry consantly that things at home will not function without me (commonly referred to as control issues).   I am out of my element and experience a certain degree of sress when I am away from home and although I was in the company of some really great women it was a long week.

I started my shots again last saturday and although I have not been able to weigh in, I am feeling that I have lost around 10-15 pounds so far or maybe thats just wishful thinking.  I have been using the gym in my hotel every morning and a couple of evenings.  I stayed pretty well within my food plan.  I did try to drink as much water as I could.  I typically do not sleep well in hotels.  and it is hard to stick to a weight loss plan when you are travelling. 

My relationships have also suffered some this week.  Aside from being away from all of those that I love, I was finding that communications between me and those people in my life kind of fell apart the last 2 days.  My children were staying with grandma because JD was working a lot and I was not able to get a hold of them to say goodnight the last two nights.   It was Valentine's Day and being unable to spend that time where I wanted to be instead of alone and away from home was hard.  I have felt very lonely and really missing my people.  I was able to have a great conversation with my best friend and that seemed to help as well as running into a lifelong friend at my hotel and being a witness to her boyfriend surprising her with a proposal.  It was such a great moment.  I am so happy for her. 

I feel that I may have upset a couple of friends that are very close to me .  All I can say is I'm sorry, I did not intend to upset them and I should have perhaps engaged my brain before writing.  It does happen on occasion (more than often in my case as I do not have a filter most days)  but know that I love ya and I will be back to normal now that my routine has returned. 

I think my children are also feeling it, I came home to major behavioral problems with Adrianna and Hayden isolating with his video game.  I took them for ice cream and then they seemed to fall apart too.  Hopefully we can all get a good night's sleep and tomorrow is another day.   I need to get back to my regular schedule.  I am going to spinning class and yoga tomorrow and then I will be back on track.  I am going to spend time with my kiddos.

I am going to weigh when I go to the gym tomorrow and will have a better idea of whether I was successful with plan this week or not.  Not much to celebrate but I am staying positive.  In my training I was reminded of the Ta-Da cape.  Wearing a Ta-Da cape every day and celebrating every tiny achievement helps you focus and stay on the path to being joyful in spite of the stress.  It's good to be home!

  

Welcome back

I haven't posted for a while.  The last week or so, I have been so very sick.  Today is the first day that I have really felt like myself again.  I am happy to be back to me.  Trying to stay on track as much as possible when sick.  I have not been able to work out as much as I usually do and I can definitely feel the difference.  The flu is a miserable thing.  It has been difficult to stay on my food plan as well due to the fact that I simply have been hungry at all and not really been eating much.

I went to the gym this morning and expected that I would be a little bit weak and struggle getting back into the routine again. I was wrong.  I did 35 minutes on the eliptical followed by 15 minutes on the bike and then a solid set of strength training for my arms chest and shoulders.  I felt so good when I left that I put my favorite song on my Ipod rolled the windows down and sang and smiled all the way home.  I feel really good today.  I did go back after work for a while and just ran 3 miles. 

My weigh in for the biggest loser this week did not go well as expected I gained one pound but I feel okay about it since I was relly under the weather.  The first day or so I still went to work out, I had a lighter day that day just yoga and 30 minutes of cardio but ended up feeling worse than before.  It kind of put things in perspective....Rest is as important as the work I do every day!  I will start my hcg shots again on saturday morning and I can't wait to get going again.  i will  post pictures after my first round. 

Bring me brownies and I'll follow you anywhere

My weigh in yesterday was a success.  I am down 7.8 and won the biggest loser for the second week in a row, yay!  Today I behaved myself and went to the gym before and after work.  I needed to clear my head of some seriously negative energy.  I walked out feeling refreshed and smiling again. 

My daily workouts save me, truly!  I did not make a great food choice for lunch but I have to say I make a mean chicken enchilada!  Just need to revise my old recipe to make it healthier.  I love, love, love, to cook.  I cook all the time, this has always been one of the things that led to my being fat.  Would you trust a skinny cook?  I used to tell people "I'm a really good cook, can't you tell by looking at my ass?"  These days I can't really say that anymore lol. 

I am teaching my daughter to cook, it is fun time with her.  I love those moments!!  We used to bake cookies regulary but now we make things like trek bars and we are working on a recipe for homemade granola bars that are lower in sugar and fat (hopefully) but will still taste amazing.  It's all about the senses for me.  It's important that food tastes great, smells yummy, and looks irrisistably good.  I need help coming up with recipes of old favorite comfort foods or snack foods that I can change to be healthier. 

I am working on putting together a bunch of recipes that have been modified to be better.  My all time favorite weakness is brownies.  I love chocolate, It is sweet, rich, melt in your mouth good and what other food is as sensual as chocolate.  Nothing my friend! I have yet to find a really mouth watering brownie recipe that is healthy.  If you know of any please post and I will follow you anywhere.

Taking a moment to check in.... to realize that even though bad days happen it's very important to find blissful moments.  Today I have had several blissful moments that changed my attitude.  Some really great conversations with a couple of friends that I love with all my heart.  Laughing with my co-workers and when I came home I was greeted with a  very loud and warm "We missed you today mommy" and lots of hugs from my children.  AAAHHH, What a great life I have.  I am spending the rest of evening snuggling with my kiddos and listening to the great things they have to tell me.  Good night all,,,

You never know what the future holds

A very special friend today told me that you never know what the future holds. It got me thinking about the future and the present and of course the past. I believe that we, the human race control our futures for the most part. It is about what you want out of life and what you are willing to put out into the Universe to get it. Over the last year and a half I have made many changes in my life. Some of those changes sprang from adversity and a dark time and some were inspired by the people that I love. Change can be difficult because it is uncertain. It is easy to get comfortable and therefore complacent within our daily lives, to accept that which makes us unhappy for the fear that if it changes it could be worse. Or perhaps that we will fail or disappoint someone we love.

I believe that GOD will clear the path to our dreams even when it seems impossible. If someone had told me 10 years ago that I would be where I am today or especially that I would have my children. I would have fallen off my chair laughing, thinking there is no way I could get there. I was surviving my life every day just trying to get through each moment and planning for the day in my future that everything would finally go my way. That day never came, it was always elusive, a fantasy. I don’t believe that any more. I have taken charge of my future and my present. I LIVE each moment. I say things that are inappropriate at times. I do things that make my children cringe at times, but that is all part of me. It is how I see the world. The past, present, and future are all connected. Sometimes the past springs into the present and gives you a second chance. It is what you do with that second chance that matters.

I love the changes that I have made and will continue to make as I grow. We should never stop growing, or living. I am no longer willing to simply accept anything that makes me unhappy. I am very excited about the future, I have learned from the past and I attempt daily to live in the moment and enjoy the things and the people that are part of my Universe. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I say what I feel at the very moment that I feel it. I don’t want to leave anything unsaid that should have been said. I want the people that I love to know every moment that I love them and I want my children to know that they CAN make their dreams come true. I also want them to know that they CAN make a difference in the lives of others. 

I am gearing up for the biggest loser weigh in tomorrow and feeling very good about my choices this week, I won last week, I have been eating clean all week and have gone to the gym every day, pushing through the pain of a fibro flair up and staying on track. wish me luck!

Relationships

Saturdays are my most intense workout day of the entire week.  This week I just wasn't feeling it but I went anyway because I have a lot going on right now and need this.  I have always said that my heavy exercise regimen is my favorite anti-depressant and that has never been more true than today.

It has been a week of changes at work, at first I was very unhappy but chose to look at my work situation with a positive attitude and I realized that I have been wanting this all along I just didn't realize it.  I am switching departments and will be working with some amazing ladies again.  I am very excited about being able to do the kind of work that I enjoy the most....helping people...It took a couple days to get here but I think it is going to be a great change. 

It has been a week of challenges, challenges with my relationships....We have had an extended house guest that is putting everyone on edge a little as it is not the most ideal situation, stress....so much stress...I think we are all feeling it.  My children need a reset button as well.  Adrianna got in trouble in school and they have been fighting constantly.  And my relationship with Jd, well it's being challenged more than usual...

I decided this morning when getting ready to go workout that after, I would spend some quality time with my kiddos.  I miss them during the day.  I took them back to the gym with me to play raquetball, we had a great time, within a few minutes we were all 3 smiling and feeling a little more relaxed.  It wasn't at all about the game it was just about being together and getting our bodies moving.

My relationships are very important to me, all of them.  Sometimes you just have to take a few minutes to connect with the people in your universe whether it is your romantic relationships or your children, friends, or co-workers.  It is not always easy to spend time with those you love but doing so can keep you connected, it makes you strong and it makes you generally happier.

My favorite time at the end of day is snuggling with my monsters in my king size bed watching a movie and just listening to them...you can learn a lot from an 11 year old and 7 year old.  This is balance.  I love the balance and my daughter told me that she thinks I'm "foxy" I laughed so hard at her use of that word that we both almost fell off the bed.  You have to love they way they see the world......Lots of laughter and snuggles.  I can't imagine a better end to a pretty good day....