Movin forward!

 I am down 7 more pounds this week.  It has been a rough road, finding time to get to the gym while working through the personal stuff going on at home.  It is hard to remember to take care of ourselves when we are going through personal crises.  My beautiful mother reminded me that I cannot be a good mother, friend, employee, wife or whatever if I am not taking care of myself.  I have not been taking care of myself and I freely admit that perhaps I need to take stock of where I have come from and where I am going and re-focus. 

 

The drop on the scale this week, although I welcome any drop it has been an unhealthy one.  My nerves are raw and I have been unable to function for a month.  I am feeling better within the last few days.  I have begun to eat again.  When I am stressed out beyond my coping capabilities I have a habit of just not eating anything for days.  That is what happened this week.  I have been going to the gym however and that has given me something to look forward to.  I won the biggest loser overall in my office and was quite surprised to find out that I won $60.00.  My mother’s cousin suggested that I spend it on myself either a new dress or new pair of shoes, etc. just something for myself.  That is a foreign concept to me as it my nature to spend it on my children or towards some bill.

 

I did buy a new pair of stilettos the other day and of course I love shoes so it was a good day!  I am regaining some of my energy, All of my focus, All of my strength and determination.  I am hopeful about the future and even though my heart is broken I know that it will heal.  It has been many years since I have had to deal with the pain and uncertainty of heartbreak.  It is not a fun thing. I guess it comes with the territory though.

I must confess that this week I fell off the wagon, I smoked nearly an entire pack of cigarettes in one day.  I used it as a crutch since my normal coping mechanisms seem to be on a beach somewhere on vacation when I needed them.  The next day I woke up with the worst chest pain and sore throat.  What was I thinking???!!!  Now I remember why I quit smoking in the first place.  Thank God it was only one day!

 

I have found a couple of really great, healthy recipes that I am looking forward to trying this weekend with the kiddos.  I am eating clean again and I am going to the gym tomorrow morning and have a three hour workout planned.  I should be sufficiently exhausted to sleep through the night….Well, okay then when was the last time I actually slept through the night lol? If the weather is good I plan to take my kiddos on a hike up the mountain.  Staying active, and busy, when you going through emotional stuff can help keep you centered.  I know that I have to stay active no matter what else is happening around me and I am holding true to that.  My spirits are positive.  It is a beautiful day and I am going to enjoy every precious moment…