This has been a really rough week for me. I have been sick, I mean really sick. I really never expected to end up feeling as bad as I did. It's the first real cold and flu I've had since quitting smoking. I underestimated it. So, I haven't been able to workout pretty much most of the week. I did wake up feeling a ton better today whew. I mean it has been all week...
Now that I am feeling better physically I'm having a hard time mentally today. Because I haven't been able to work out and I'm worried that I have lost ground. I know I probably haven't dropped any weight this week. I don't feel like I've gained but I really, really want to have good results for the next two weeks. I'm obsessing over it. Today I did pretty well, I did not got to the gym however, I stayed on plan with my food intake. I made homemade carmel cinnamon rolls this morning for my monsters but I stayed on plan with grapefruit and strawberries. My kids have been so good to me the last few days. It is a rare occurance that I am down for the count and not able to do ALL of the mom stuff and I stress over it and feel guilty about not cooking every night and doing baths every other night. I know it sounds overdramatic and maybe the cold blocked all common sense as well but that's how I feel. Just sensitive to every thing I guess.
I admit that I live by my emotions and that it often leads me astray but I feel everything so intensly and I would not ever want it to be any different even when what I am feeling is negative. I am a very happy person most of the time. Even through my insecurities and vulnerabilities I'm smiling. But every once in while I need reassurance just like everyone else. Today is one of those days where I am feeling that I am not enough...or perhaps too much I don't know...
Tomorrow is another day and this funk hopeully won't last but for today it's weighing on me. I have spent most of the day just being here with my monsters. They sure do fight just like biological siblings lol but they are sooo funny right now. they woke up and got so excited over the cinnamon rolls and both of them had hands washed and ready to help bake in 10 seconds.
Even doing chores we had the music on loud and Adrianna was singing and everybody was sort of dancing lol. but we were all getting along and it was a beautiful moment. We haven't had enough of those around here lately....I have to find the happy place again for us. I'm ready to let the funk go, I am ready to wake up and feel like my self again...
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