Weigh in day

Weigh in day! Normally this day causes me so much anxiety!  I start planning a couple days before my weigh in day.  I start thinking about which clothes I am going to wear because that will add weight.  I plan how much and when I eat on that day and I how much water I drink that day.  That number on the scale, it is one of the scariest things for me.  There is no other part of my life where a number can have the affect that this does.  It is the determining factor between having a great day and having a terrible day.  It has come to define my successes or my failures.  Today what will it be?  Will it be lower?  stay the same?  and OMG could I have gained??!!

Throughout this journey the scale has been my nemesis.  In the beginning it was the only thing I had to measure what was happening to my body.  It was too early to physically see any changes to my body but the scale, the scale showed me when I had a great day and when I cheated.  It kept me honest because I knew if it didn't move I would be battling a deep depression until it did. And to the opposite exteme, I felt like I was on top of the world when It went down big!  During my second round of HCG I was averaging daily losses of 3-5 pounds!! No, it's not a typo I was losing so much so fast I could physically feel it.   It is so hard to explain but I started to feel smaller in relation to the universe and everything in it.  I knew how much space my person was taking because i could feel it.

I have plateaued a couple of times and it was devastating. I realized during these times that I was so desperate for some change to that number on the scale that I was actually doing myself more harm than good.  I would not eat anything throughout the day causing my body to shift to starvation mode.   And I would start thinking about sabotage.  I had to really look at why I was letting this defeat me and learn to deal with it. I am keeping a food journal during this journey.  Now  I can exercise more or adjust my food plan to allow a little treat because I know everything I am eating.  

Yesterday was Weigh in day.  It was an amazing day!  To date, I have lost 100 pounds!  a whole person! and I swear she lived in my bra and around my waist!! I am so far into this journey and I will reach my goal.  I will continue to get strong!