I have been overweight all of my life. I have never really tried to seriously lose weight so this was all very new to me. I had already lost just over 60 pounds which is about half of what I needed to lose. I had been walking slowly, then increased to walking every day. I slowly started running! OMG I had not run for even a short distance in over 10 years! I was feeling very confident. My family was starting to notice along with my friends and I felt great.
It was the end of summer and the weather was getting cold and I was starting to feel like I needed more. I could feel the pull of my daily exercise schedule and it was feeling more like an addiction. I had traded my addiction to nicotine and bad food for an addiction to getting fit. A pretty good trade I must admit. Still, I needed more. I decided to join a local gym. I had a membership a couple of years ago at a large commercial gym and although the facility was big and shiny with new fancy equipment, everytime I walked in the door I was treated badly. I am not a tiny little Barbie girl going to the gym to find a boyfriend. I noticed that the staff seemed to shun people like me. People that needed to be there. People that were there to get healthy. Yet the girls who were young and cute and in shape were treated by the staff like gold. I chose to keep looking. I live in a very rural area and so finding a gym that didn't fit this mold was not a super easy task.
I did go to a much older facility in town, I met with the owner who gave me a tour and I immediately felt better. There were people of all ages and sizes. They all seemed to be there for the same reason I was there. I was soooo excited!! I got all ready, I got my "gym" bag ready, filled with workout clothes and headphones for my music and I was ready! Thinking about going to excercise and getting so excited was the most foreign thing ever to me. I had always HATED exercise. This time was different, It's about saving my life now. I didn't sleep well because I couldn't stop thinking about it. I went over the gym's class schedule and memorized every class time and made a schedule of what I wanted to do and when. A couple of days passed and it was time. The day had come for me to go to my first gym day!
I set out my clothes the night before, I checked and double checked the schedule to make sure I knew what time they opened. I got up at 4am and ready to go, I got my water bottle, my gym bag and off I went. They opened at 5am and I had wanted to be there when they opened. I was sitting in the parking lot along with a group of other individuals (regulars) anxiously awaiting for the doors to open. At last, the girl unlocked the front door. Everyone started getting out of their cars and going inside. I was stuck, My body felt like I was glued to my seat. All of the sudden every insecurity I ever had reared up and took over. What if people stared at me? What would I do when I got in there? What if I couldn't keep up? I'm too fat to be here. I sat in my car that morning for 45 minutes unable to get out. I was frightened, defeated, heart broken. I never did get out of my car, I sat there and cried and then went home. I was so angry at myself, I felt I was being ridiculous and I vowed that next day I would go again. The next morning with much less fan fare I got up at 4am again and got dressed and went to the gym. This time I did not think, I did not allow myself to get scared or insecure, I just got out of my car and went inside! I worked out on the bicycle and the elliptical machine and watched everyone around me. These people were there for the same reason I was! By the end of my first workout I knew I was over the hump and I would never be embarrassed again! I have been going 6 days per week ever since. Most of the regulars notice when I don't come now and it is a great feeling. I know that I can do this!! Every first on this journey adds to my confidence, it adds to my enthusiasm and I am going to do this!!
No comments:
Post a Comment